Resolutions

A new year is knocking on the door again - how did that come to happen so soon?

As always I reach out for the new year
as a child waiting for Christmas.
Full of anticipation,
anxious to see what's to come.
I want to close my eyes and do no peeking
but I am too curious to succeed.
Oh if I only could
be shown a glance of what is ahead!
Just a few moments of what is hiding
behind the curtains of 2010!
A new year and new resolutions.
Those I am glad to make.
Not to take the chance to grow would be stupid,
since making progress is one step on the way.
So I hereby solemnly declare
that next year will be one of love.
I will overspend, I will give all that I have
And maybe get some coming back again.
I will do my all to be kind
To set example for the best of my own.
I will try to be humble in front of life,
I will laugh from my heart and cry from my soul.
I will stay open to what life has to give
and constantly give of myself.
In return I will not ask for anything
but gladly take what's offered instead.
Good or bad, joy or sorrow,
for this I know -
it'll all be a chance to grow.


Best of luck for the coming year - keep loving in 2010!

He felt his blood rushing in his veins

He watched her raise her eyebrow at some random guy passing their table. She gave him a vague smile as she lifted the cigarette to her lips.
- Do you have to flirt with everybody? He regretted his question as soon as it had made its way over his lips.
- Why do you care? she asked.
A fair question. Why did he care, really. She was not his girlfriend, never would she probably be. That time was long gone.
- I don't know. I just don't like it.
- You should know me better. She sounded tired. - Flirting is what comes naturally for me. It's like a hobby. I kinda like it.
Yes, that he knew. He kinda had liked it as well when they first met. He still remembered how he had reacted to her smile that night. She kept turning half way towards him, playing with the straw from her drink, watching him like it would be against the law, carefully, so that no-one noticed, just him. Oh my God! He remembered the blood rushing in his veins! And he hated the thought of her making someone else feel the same! She had no right.

- Somebody could call you a slut for flirting with everyone passing by. Again he regretted his words as they came out. Why couldn't he just shut up?
He saw her eyes turn black. She was mad.
She looked at him, first without saying a word. Inhaling the smoke and slowly blowing it straight into his face she replied without any anger in her voice.
- I have slept with two men in my life. At 32 years you could hardly call that being a slut. She put out the cigarette and picked up her bag from the floor.
- Both men whom I loved, even though I sometimes struggle with knowing why.
He saw tears in her eyes. He had once again managed to make her sad. Without the intention. He just felt so hurt inside! It still hurt him that he'd lost her. It still hurt him that she now seemed to be too far away to ever come back.

He saw her walk away from the table and leaving the restaurant. He had failed to say goodbye. He had failed to say anything right.
Why? Why did he continuously push her away when everything he wanted was to put his arms around her and hold her close? He had no idea, Even his theraphist had suggested he didn't even want her back, that he was clinging to her for some other reason.
Of course not! That was a stupid thought to begin with!
He let his head fall into his hands and sighed. Calling her a slut! That was like offering peace, wasn't it? What an imbecile he was!

- Is this taken?
He heard a silent voice and as he lifted his gaze he saw a hand resting on the back of the chair next to him.
- Please, go ahead, it's not taken. He saw the red, polished nails and a hint of sweet perfume found its way to his nostrils. What was that scent? Sweet, yet so spicy ... His eyes started to climb the hand and the arm it was attached to. Red silk, so soft. The chin, the lips - red as well - the pointy nose, a set of blue eyes that looked like small lakes, sparkling from the moonlight.
She smiled and tilted her head a bit, just enough to set free a dark brown curl from her ponytail.

He felt his blood rushing in his veins.

Angels in my hair

I started reading a book yesterday that I hardly have been able to put down since. It's too bad one has to go to work, otherwise I would have stayed up reading the whole night. I didn't even get as far as taking my coat off before already having it in my hand, reading, reacting. Within the first 10 pages I had already laughed and cried. So what is it, you say? Lorna Byrne's Angels in my hair.

Lorna says all she knows she has been told by the angels. I don't know whether I have had angels whispering to me, because many things are like reflections of my own soul and of how it has been developing during the past three years. So many things in the book I have felt - and it makes me feel I'm on the right path.

It is about love, it is full of soul. It is about reason and purpose. It is about loss. It is about having a gift.

Anyone who reads this book will discover that they are not alone, that there is always someone there by their side, to help them no matter what difficulties they are in. They will discover that they are loved unconditionally. Lorna Byrne

Frequently things we consider disasters – losing a job, a marriage break-up, failing an exam - are in fact miracles in disguise and years later when people look back at them, they can identify that this was a major turning point in their lives. Lorna Byrne on When things are tough.

Not such a bad thing, if you ask me. I'll leave you now. I'll have to get back to the book.

Human touch

The touch of his hand lingers on my back
It reminds me.
Of hands seeking their way
Of fingers clinging
Of human touch.
For the first time I feel the lack of it
making me feel alone.
For the first time I notice there is a hunger for it
And I know it won't be gone
Before someone that is for real
touches me out of
love, lust or despair.

Your life must be all good

"I need to tell you."
The man had returned to me after already taking a few steps in the opposite direction.
I looked at him. He had a smile that reached his eyes. I like that kind of smiles. Some people only smile with their mouth. He smiled with his whole being.
"You are a person that makes people really happy, just by being there." He was still smiling. I was a bit confused.
"Maybe it's just you that I have that effect on." I stumbled in my words as I tried to laugh the matter off.
"No, it's not just me. Your life must really be all good for you to be that way." He had no idea of how wrong he was. My life certainly was not all good. Not bad - but not all good either.
"I feel I won the game just because I'd seen your smile before I started." He was waving his tennis racket in the air.
"Congrats."
"Now don't go have an accident with your bicycle."
I mumbled something of an answer. The words came out in the wrong order. He now must think I'm foreign.
As I bicycled home, all I could see was that smile of his - always making me feel so happy.

Managing our micro-universe

Almost a week ago I had the possibility to listen to this country's President speak. It is a person who is very down to earth, has a great humour, and
best of all, is humane. Humanity is something we'd need at the front line of many countries in this world, I'd say. The President said something like "We only have one life. We need to live it as we like to, we should not feel obliged to sell all of our time to an employer. There is more to life than work." The President was speaking of the importance of family.

In my mind, a thought started to shape. We all live our own lives and it is up to us to do our best in doing so. We can worry, complain and talk about the world around us, as if it was something we are no part of. It feels cold and wrong and too big to be changed by ourselves.

Well, we all know that a great forest can start from one little seed. Also an ocean has its first drop of water. Humanity is inside of us. A change for the better is inside of us. We are like micro-universes inside this macro-universe of ours. We can make great change starting from within. All we need is the ability to believe. Not even so much in the possibility to achieve greater change, but in the good that will come out of the change within ourselves.

We are the waves in that ocean. It won't move if we don't.

It's all about music

So finally I get to the point: music.

I enjoy a lot of different kinds of music and that is a definite plus. During a couple of weeks I have had the luck to find some new sources of inspiration. It is an enjoyable mess, all together, but I'm sure there's something for almost everyone.

1. N.A.S.A.: Spirit of Apollo

Oh my. This album goes straight up to my all time top 5, and it doesn't even seem hard. 17 tracks out of which 17 are great! Top that! Great mixture of really talented featuring artists. The best example there is to give is Gifted with Kanye West, Lykke Li and Santigold. Others to mention on every track, but I'm going to settle with M.I.A., David Byrne and Tom Waits. Check out the videos as well (A Volta is excellent, even though so violent it's a bit over the top), many of them pure masterpieces.

Check out the official NASA here: http://www.youtube.com/user/officialNASA

2. John Mayer: Say

I started to dig into the new album of John Mayer (haven't we all waited for that!?), Battle Studies. I like Who Says, especially the video. Digging, I found the somewhat older Say. I especially like the lyrics and the part

"Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open"

3. Melanie Fiona: Give it to me right

Here we have it all: the mood, the beat, the woman, the voice. I like the old style feeling, the smokiness, the sassy attitude. I feel like lighting a cigarette. Enjoy!

4. Bat for lashes: What's a girl to do

This is a bonus: It's all for the great video.

5. Venus: Beautiful Days

I heard this for the first time as part of the soundtrack of Hellsing. And I was mesmerized. There is a magic to the sound, it is undeniable.

Light

It always fascinates me - light.

In mood for Violet

I've got some good music coming (this week has been all about finding excellent beats and great sounds), but I'll have to save that for the next post.

The holiday season is coming up and that calls for some fancy clothing. I know, I am a natural-born shopper, but I also did feel like making the effort to dig into my grandmother's treasures and make something myself. Pics below. I hope my grandmother is approving my way of using her handmade lace. Well, it all went on smoothly so I guess her spirit didn't disagree too much at least.

Thanks grandma for the decoration!




Some say less is more, my mantra is "It's all in the detail".


I'll soon be back with some music!

This is it

Tonight I was moved. To my soul, to the bone. I got the chills as I sat there. A feeling of intense movement within every inch of my soul. This is it. One man whose light was so bright that I am amazed if everybody couldn't see it. A soul so fragile, a mind so misunderstood.

Even through the screen it is showing so obviously well - a heart that is so filled with love that it oozes out.

For a moment I feel a bit sad. I´m not sure if the light can remain when the keeper doesn't? I just hope, hope that all that love, all that light has inspired others to find the light as well. A strength so great in such a fragile person. It is amazing.

Ain't it strange, life

Life. Ain't it strange.
All those hopes we're living on -
Carrying us from day to day.
When to move and when to whisper
When to wait, when to shout.
How to know what's going to be
Beautiful.
How to see beforehand
Hurt coming.
Love and be loved.
It will hurt us all.
We will stumble, we will hold our heads high
We will fall.
When to stop and when to continue
When to go back.

How can we be right
when so many things can go wrong?
A fear of falling
keeps me from walking on the edge.
A fear of drowning
In my own tears.

And then again
It brings a smile to my face
Just thinking of the moments when
Hope
Words
Dreams
Scent
Touch
--
It all came together
As fingers cling
Entwine.

All in one moment.
It'll go on forever.

Yes.
I grasped for so many things
So many words shouted,
So many thoughts whispered.
Some of them heard, others
Forgotten.
Yes.
Life. Ain't it strange.
Sometimes like shouting towards the sea.
Words will be scrambled
And at times I hear them whispered back
to me.
Smudged.
Or even more beautiful.
Life.

Quote of the day

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.

Gandhi, obviously.

Loving, unselfishly

Where do I start?

Do you know that warm, all conclusive feeling under your skin, around your heart and in your chest? That feeling of wanting to check if your skin glows from the light within? So that everybody around it can see? Yes, that is love. And just minutes ago I felt it strongly. Within seconds it filled my veins with a rushing feeling, almost like the feeling one gets from standing just a few inches away from the person whose hands one would like to feel on one's skin. Exhilarating, vibrating. I was shivering from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. Loving, unselfishly.

Love growing from the pure beauty of a soul speaking to another, from the amazing, yet invisible strings, that connect people to each other. From the magic of sharing thoughts, words, dreams. Yes, it doesn't take much to make love grow. Between ordinary things and ordinary days, it can be found in the shape of a golden seed, there to be spotted, if one looks carefully.

Who ever said that love, going in only one direction, would leave us miserable? Who ever it was, was wrong. Tonight I'm filled with a sensation of perfection. I feel satisfied, both in body and soul. From loving, unselfishly.

Love. What a beautiful force! And it's right there, within ourselves! Go on, waste it! Because the more you do, the greater it grows.

Snow

Small pawprints in the snow, that is what my sweet little cat left behind her today, as the first snow covered a good piece of the landscape. She is not doing good and I worry she won't recover as fast as she should, making a little cat's life miserable.

I took a few shots of the first snow, as one is supposed to. Hope you like this one!

The man saw her walk towards him

The man saw her walk towards him in the dark. She was stumbling over everybody's legs and bags and stuff.
He hated it when people came in after the movie'd already started. Like, who does that?
- Sorry... Her voice was soft as she whispered her apology to him. She was slightly bent towards him as she tried to find her way between the rows, letting her fingertips lead the way.
He could smell a wonderfully light scent in the air. Suddenly he felt intrigued. Who was she? What did she look like?

The scent was one he'd felt before. It was years since he'd seen the girl that wore that same scent. It was Euphoria, he was sure. It also was years ago since he had touched the girl that wore the same scent. God! Concentrate on the film! He was now annoyed with himself, actually. That girl was part of the past! Why was he still thinking of her?

The woman had found an empty seat just a few seats from his. He looked into the darkness to see what she looked like. Was she looking at him? He wasn't sure, it was too dark to be sure. For a few seconds his gaze returned to the screen. He tried to focus on the movie, but it was clearly gonna be impossible. They had enjoyed a few movies together as well. He remembered her head resting against his shoulder. He never knew whether she enjoyed the movies or if she just enjoyed to sit next to him in the dark. Oh that girl. She kind of never had left his thoughts. There was always something that reminded him about her. And now this woman. Damn women and their perfumes! He knocked over his popcorns of pure frustration! He felt the woman gazing towards him as he bent over to find the paper cone on the floor.

- Here, I'll help you,
There was the soft whisper, the Euphoria. The hand touched his as she gave the cone of popcorns, now half empty, back to him. And that's when it all stopped. There was no doubt.

Whatever works, Woody

I love Woody Allen movies. I always have. And there seems to be a new one behind every corner nowadays.

It's not that long ago that we got to enjoy the fabulous combination of Woody Allen and Penélope. Vicky Cristina Barcelona was a great movie. Not just because of Woody, not just because of Penélope, not just because of Barcelona. But the combination of the three. It was magic and it was love at first sight.

Cassandra's dream was likable. Not one of the best, but definitely one to watch.

Match Point was excellent! It had it all! The beautiful actress, the setup, the dialog, the great plot. And as I remember it, the ending was the cherry on top. One of the best movies I've seen.

Scoop - not the best of the new Woody Allen movies, but not a bad one either. Hugh Jackman does make it a whole lot better.

Oh, I used to love Hannah and her sisters! I remember being like glued to the TV, mesmerized by all the talk, talk, talk!

Manhattan. I remember the last time I watched it, at two in the morning, it was perfect.

Now, the next one to watch for sure is Whatever works. Just have a look at the trailer and you'll see it's got Woody Allen written all over it. It's like in Vicky Cristina Barcelona where the first 30 seconds already gave away the great, familiar style of W. Allen. I can't wait!

Music for those sweet memories

Natty's Bedroom Eyes encapsulating it all tonight.


And I am crossing the line here, I think it's the second time I'm posting the same fabulous song. Calleth you, Cometh I by The Ark. [And it's just how it is and how it's always been, it's where reason stops and something else comes in] Incredible that it's almost a year ago, give or take two weeks. I guess fall calls for The Ark.

That's how it is. Some things just never change and that's just the way it should be. I love these lyrics because they make me feel.

Enjoy. Have a listen. Feel.

Only very rarely

Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future.

(Nobel Committee about their choice of Peace Prize award winner)

The critics say Obama hasn't done all that much yet, to be rewarded with a Nobel Peace Prize. Might be true. Sometimes, though, I believe intention is what counts. I am in full awe about this man and his ways of operating. The time was right for Obama, and never ever has the world been so globally affected by a presidential election. It was to be seen in his eyes, heard in his words; Finally a world leader with good intentions. Finally a man who not only wants to, but actually is giving hope. A man whose work shows an interest in the greater good.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

"Im not good for you"

"I'm not good for you." He leaned onto the bar, making his tall body seem shorter.
I took a sip of my beer.
"What do you mean?"
I was eager to hear what he had intended.
Who was good for anybody, really?
I had no clue, whether this man would be good for me in the end, but I sure was intrigued by his ways.

I had met someone similar to him before. A man that wasn't shy about speaking about himself, about revealing everything. I guess that was what made me stand before them with my jaw dropping. For me it was something exotic, strange, even a bit scary. I quite liked it.

"I'm not gonna take you home. Not you, not any woman. Not before I have gotten all sorted out."
He was talking about his ex-girlfriend.
Yes, I knew he was not even close to being over her. It was written all over his face.
"I'm glad."
It was the truth.
"I'm not waiting for you to fall into any trap."
That was a lie. I had, in some way, waited for him to fall into my trap. Why? I wasn't sure. It must have been the mix of right and wrong that was written all over him. He was bad news, I knew that. And that's why I stood there, that Thursday morning, sharing a beer.

Dreaming of light

I open the window and I see the light behind the dark clouds.
Comforting, in its way,
still too far away to light my soul.
Is it just me, or are those clouds there to stay?
Have I seen them move in either way?
I let my gaze drop.
It is somewhat painful to watch what I wanted for so long.
It is somewhat difficult to dream about something that might never be.
Still I do.
Still I believe.
Still I wake up every morning to tell myself that my patience will be rewarded.
Still I go to bed every night feeling empty.
Just to wake up to yet another morning.
Just to open the window to see,
whether those clouds have moved on,
or whether I will spend yet another day, dreaming of light.

Poem of the day - Inspiration by Zach Ashton

So many So much

Ten years is a lot of days
With a lot of feelings
expressed in a lot of ways

All those things between you and me
Could we ever have guessed
what we would be?

And here we are, ten years later
With ten more years of life, all gone by, day and night
showing in our hearts, on our faces, in the colour of the hair.

A few wrinkles and a lot of gray
A lot of love and even more faith
As time goes by
we remain
The same.

And here I am thinking
What would your words be?
- my friend
- the one I wanted to love
- the one that loved me more
- the one that I stood by
- the one that stood me by
- the one whose soul I knew
inside out
- my soul mate
- the one with whom I shared so many songs
so many words
so many thoughts
so many
so much
--

If I could choose them words, I'd gladly be
- your friend
- the one you wanted to love
- the one that loved you more
- the one that you stood by
- the one that stood you by
- the one whose soul you knew
inside out
- your soul mate
- the one with whom you shared so many songs
so many words
so many thoughts
so many
so much
--

Yes, we made a few messes
We raised a lot of dreams
We twisted and turned on the way
But as deep as it is, I know it'll stay
And as I try to say
In so many ways
With so many words
So many lines
So many thoughts
So many
So much.
Thank you.

Broken embraces

It's time for a few pearls. First, a movie, second, music.

Los abrazos rotos. I have always melted in front of Penélope. When combined with director Pedro Almodóvar you can be sure - magic will happen. Of course I had to see Los abrazos rotos. There was no other way. And it seduced me. It bent me over and it had me begging for more. It had it all, the characters, the music, the script, the mood, the styling. Ultimately, I didn't want for it to end. I wished it would have gone on forever.



Music. This is not my regular beat. I feel brave today. I feel brand new. I feel Beats and Styles featuring Justin Taylor.
Friend.

Love flowing in

I spread my arms and turn my chest towards the light.
Oh, I never thought I would feel this -
Love flowing in.
I bare my soul to the sun
Knowing - this is when it happens
Love flowing in.

What did I do to deserve this?
That I don't know.
Who is that love coming from -
I'm not sure.

Still I let it flow -
Why stand in the way?
One day, I'm sure, it'll all be clear
My love will start flowing
In the same way.

Ready for fall?

Yes, there's magic in this fall

Of course it might be, that I'll fall flat on my face. But I'm ready to take the risk.

I have said it for a while now - I feel there are positive changes to come this fall. Or at least surprises, waiting around the next corner, or the one after that. I feel that I am in a good place right now. I feel I am supposed to be in this place, at this moment, right now.

I know. I have been dancing tonight. For a few hours, and that usually creeps under my skin. It makes me feel happy, it makes me want more of it. So maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. Time will tell. For the moment, though, I feel content. And that is, if you ask me, already an achievement.

Tonight calls for some Pablo Neruda.

Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdida.

Good night y'all.

It took only a few seconds for my barriers to break

The hour is late and I should be on my way to work in about seven hours. I still feel I need to put down my thoughts right now instead of just going to bed. I just came home after experiencing something that touched my soul deeply.

Only 15 minutes ago I stood on the sidewalk in the first storm of this fall, talking to a person that I really don't know that well. Yes, it's a person I've seen during a couple of years, but never actually spoken to. I mean really spoken to. Now I did.

It was a rare moment. Two people, one of them asking very clear questions. It took only a few seconds for my barriers to break. I opened myself to a person that straight on asked for it. At first I tried to avoid it. Why, I now ask myself afterwards. Why should I not open up to a soul that clearly is pure, to a heart that clearly is filled with love? I am now glad I eventually did. And what I got in return was a full view of this soul. Beautiful, fragile. I felt touched. Touched for having had the opportunity to be stopped, to be taken to the side. I would have walked past this otherwise. It makes me think - maybe there are a lot of things I have walked past without ever knowing.

See, I have a way of being cheerful and lively. It is who I am, but now I think it might keep some people away from me. Back to the point. I tonight saw a heart that was full of honest love and pain. How lucky am I to get to share this, I thought. That another person will take the time to break my barriers of joyfulness just to be able to open up to me. I feel blessed. I saw a soul that was much in the same place I was in a couple of years ago. Agonized by the mess that we call life, not sure which way to go, how to follow the right path. I finally saw the moment I have so clearly been approaching. My mouth opened and all the realizations I've had, all the thoughts that have been shaped, all the truths that I have found in my own heart - they all came out. It was like a waterfall, it couldn't be stopped. In the end, I felt like crying. My feelings were so close to the skin that just a touch would have broken my last barrier down.

Yes, it was true what I got told - I was talking to myself. All those words of wisdom were pointed at myself. I had just been waiting for the right person to come by, one that would ask for them. And maybe, hopefully, I had an effect on this person as well. Maybe I added something, healed something, or maybe opened up some path.

Now. What is left? Emptiness, because I won't need those words anymore, yet a newfound strength that I knew was in me, but that I didn't know how to release.
I'm not sure who to thank for tonight. But I sure am thankful for being pulled to the side.

We all have people in our lives that are there for a reason. Sometimes they are not that apparent. Open your eyes and look around. It might be the next person that looks into your eyes.

Poem of the day

I said it yesterday and I felt it go straight to my head as soon as all the letters, one after another, had formed a sentence.
Am I lucky or what? (Are you?) To be living my passion. To be breathing, dreaming and being my passion. I believe this body was born to dance. And I am more than happy to have been given - yes given - a dance partner that will pull the best out of me. I cannot wait for Sunday and the new class. Let's see what we can come up with. You know, I always wanted to be a good dancer, and guess what? I really think I'm getting there. It can't be bad when it allows every cell of your body to stretch out in some kind of mental high. OK, it is not perfect yet, but that is not what's important. What is important is that this is what makes me feel alive, this is what makes me feel in love with life, this is what makes my soul blossom. This is how I'd like to be portrayed. As the one who dances from the soul. I never thought that would make me so happy, and here I am, dancing three times a week.

Isn't that enough for a happy existence? I believe it is.

And then, to the poem.
It is quite some time since the last one. It's because I have a heart that is neither broken nor sore. Sad but true, that is a fact that stops the flow. I'll give it a try anyway.

They now seem sweet
All those memories
Yet once they tore me into pieces
Now --
I don't know. Is it me? Have I grown? Have I evolved?
Or --
I just can't stop myself from wondering
every now and then
Whether things actually just did nothing less
but followed the path.
Yours and mine.
And sometimes I just can't do anything but -
I'm thinking
Whether we would have found ourselves
apart
shattered
broken
If things had ended like we wanted to
Instead of how we needed to.
I can't keep myself from asking
Whether my love for you would have
Stayed
or
Died
--
[Yes, it might be the wine, but how can we be sure? True feelings they come out eventually. Maybe they were just waiting for the bottle to be opened?]

It stayed and that should be our pride!
We kept the passion, the friendship.
We kept the music and the lazy mornings.
We kept the honesty and the warmth.
- And I'll be by your side forever!
- And you'll push me forward on my path!
[And the joy will stay as long as we are prepared to give.]

Yes, seeing the aftermath
It is quite clear.

The line was drawn beforehand, the steps were there
for you and me.

Losing

First - I am not starting a trend of writing several times a day. I just found something beautiful, full of soul, that I wanted to share. Zach. Zach Ashton. Am I the last to know? Probably. Highly possible.

Anyhow. Zach. Joining the group of male singer-songwriters palying the guitar. Looking at the list on the right-hand side of this post, it doesn't take much to notice that it is a format that will catch my attention. Add growing up by the beach and we have a winner. What is it in that combination that gives me all those good vibes? Soul.

And Zach has a lot of soul. Click your way to http://www.zachashton.com/ and have a listen to Losing. I also like Oi Amor because of the obvious fact that I love Portuguese. But neither of those two was what caught my attention to begin with. It was Ocean.

Dreaming of snow

I woke up early this morning. I opened my eyes and it returned to me - a little piece of my dream.

In my dream I woke up early in the morning. I opened the door and barefeet, I stepped out. It had snowed during the night. Everything was beautiful and white. Walking along the snow covered street, my bare feet felt no cold. I felt no cold.

Purity? New beginnings? Hope? Aspiration?
Contentment. Beauty.

Without knowing what to link this to, I stumbled (see, that is my main way of moving forward it seems, stumbling and drifting) onto two clips. Enjoy!

And magic returned

The Gandhi quote of the day I find very suitable:

"A living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."

So this is how it always goes - you hear about a piece of good music and before you know it, it has lead you to magic.
I was lead, by the hand, to magic tonight.

(You'll like the guitar in this one)



You know, one of those lovely phone calls with the person who is just that close to your soul. It all feels nice and warm, cozy. You talk about this and that, about dreams and reality, about making dreams into reality, about music. The Beautiful Girls, he said. Yes, I felt that one. I felt it all. Thank you. And then I stepped further and stumbled. It took only one step, ending in a stumble, and there I was, ready to take it all on. Mat McHugh.


Is it just me being totally off? Does it ever happen to you like that, that you just feel your body open up and let the magic flow inside? That's what happened to me tonight. I'm sure I had the right mood anyway, feeling totally warm and fuzzy. And the magic returned to me. Suddenly you don't see walls and dark streets and the dishes that still are undone. You don't see the time and the hurry to get some sleep. You don't see work, you don't see people, you don't see obligations, you don't see vacations that already are planned but that don't fit into the calendar. You see energy, forming a circle around you, pushing away everything else. And you see it grow and you see it move like waves of an ocean. And you feel strong.

And you feel touched by magic.

That is what happened tonight. Not bad for an ordinary Tuesday. Tomorrow will be no ordinary Wednesday. No way.

Go to www.matmchugh.com and have a listen to Seperatista. If you hate ska, just take a leap when you hit that and move on to the next one. There are a lot of pearls on that album. I especially like Fall to pieces. And Loneliness. The first part of it is excellent. Then it continues, and magic happens.

Horizon 2

It's about an hour ago since my last post. I don't care. I was reading my old posts and I found my heart. It was broken. And as I poured myself another glass of Chilean wine, I decided to do something, that could be unforgivable; I'm posting the same song for the second time.

Rachael Yamagata's Horizon. Last time I said it is in no hurry to get to the end, it fills its space and does not pretend in any way. Yes, all of that is true, and still it fills my heart with those forgotten sorrows, that only a soul-touching song, poem, touch can find. There is a sweetness to sadness. It is a feeling I enjoy in many ways, its softness. This very Damien Rice-ish female singer is worth taking a second listen to. Go ahead, feel vulnerable for a few minutes.



And when you feel for something more upbeat, here's how I stumbled over Rachael. Yes, it is the wonderful Jason "Bring your board" Mraz. I love that man.

Did you get my message?

The scent of autumn

The garden of Versaille, one year ago.

This morning I felt the scent of autumn in the air.
Fresh and welcoming, yet making me feel a sense of loss.
I am not ready for fall yet.
I am not ready to give up all those things that I've attached to summer.
Long days and short nights.
Bare feet.
The sun warming my skin.
The waves rolling in.
Friends and strangers on their way home
at five o'clock in the morning.
All those 'good mornings' and 'good nights'
When the sky is light and some are waking up, having their breakfasts,
others are ending the day before.
Dreams that are just moments away from becoming --
Reality.

I want to hold on to my summer.
I want to feel the grass beneath my bare feet.
I want to keep the sense of dreams --
Coming true.

Summer. Don't leave me for a long time now.

Drifting

It is the last day of my vacation and I'd rather spend it with nice people. My absence has a good reason to it - I spent 8 days on the northern coast of France. Beautiful, beautiful place. I made some notes along the way, and I'm here to share them with all of those that don't have any better things to do at the moment. I'll try to give you my view of a few days, spent on reflecting on life and myself, enjoying beautiful landscapes and the music of my mp3-player. I'll share a few photos as well. Today's music: Charlie Winston. Yes, the album Hobo is now in my possession :).

1 August, on my way.
Music: Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper, Boa Sorte; Ben Harper, Lifeline

My journey has just started but I already feel a sense of calm finding its way into my soul. It might be the tunes of Ben Harper on my player, but I know it's also more than that. Above the clouds, in the midst of a blue sky, it is so much easier to see things for what they are. That might be one of the reasons for which I love flying. To get further away from my every day ways of thinking and closer to myself, to my soul, and maybe to the truth of life. I am still hours away from my destination, in my mind I am already forming dreams of destinations to come. I want to get to the dunes of Brazil. I want to feel the kite lift me up above the waves. Oh, dunes and kite boarding. Dreams that are yet to be fulfilled, but that easily could be just five months away.

I don't want to wait a lifetime, yours or mine. Ben Harper

2 August, Le Hourdel, France
Music: Marcelo D2, Eu tive um sonho



I got to the dunes. Rented a bike, checked the map and head off with my board, the bees wax, food for the day and my camera. Finally I found them! Rising above sea, beautiful and white. Behind the dunes I see them: the kite-boarders. My heart skips a beat. No - I say to it - you are not the heart of a kite-boarder, not just yet. I run up to the highest point of the dune with my board. I feel the wind in my hair and my heart pumps liters of blood into my veins. I step onto the board. Nothing. No movement. I jump onto it. It glides half a meter and the nose digs into the sand. My heart returns to the kite-boarders, so wild, so free. I cannot blame it. But I am just no ready to give up just yet.



Note 3 August:
After some hard work with the board I got it moving a couple of meters at a time. I must say this is not easy.

3 August, Le Crotoy, Fort-Mahon-Plage, France
Music: Jack Johnson, Adrift


Today I learned something about myself - I am a drifter. I drift from place to place - I feel that is my main way of moving. Is that a good thing or a bad one? I'm not sure. I get inspired so easily, by so many things. A change of direction doesn't acquire that much. Today I drifted on a bike. I was planning a trip to Le Crotoy. Then Marquenterre. I had trouble finding the beach of the latter one, which got me drifting. I continued pedaling. Soon I found myself one hour further, with the logic "Find the beach, then go home". I had become a beach-hunter, a woman with a mission, a woman that wouldn't give up. I felt the punishment already in my legs and arms, the sun burning my neck. I kept on. Fort-Mahon-Plage. The sign was a bit of a surprise. I had planned that much before - I would definitely not go as far a Fort-Mahon-Plage. But here I was. And what a beach! That was all worth the hard work! I counted to about 70 km today.

Drifting.



Anyone who knows me also knows that I am a firm believer of faith. I believe we have a starting point as well as an ending point, and some stops we're supposed to make in the middle. Places we're supposed to be in, people we're supposed to meet. In between - any kind of movement in any direction along the beach of life, leaving our own, individual imprint in the sand. Imprints that become the painting of our life. Mine is apparently made by drifting.

4 August, St. Valéry sur Somme, France
Music: Ben Harper, Paris Sunrise


I was up at dawn today, something I don't regret at all. I captured the most beautiful sunrise coloring the bay with a golden shimmer. I am two hours away from Paris, and still I feel Ben H is following me around on this trip along the Picardy coast. Paris Sunrise on my mind.





Today I sit on yet another beach, still sore from yesterday. As I watch the waves roll in over the pebbled beach, the first waves I've seen on this trip, a little friend lands on my arm.



6 August, St. Valéry, France
Music: David Gilmour, This Heaven


Yesterday I had a lot of thoughts on my mind. I guess being physically exhausted opens up the mind a bit wider. I overdid it again, I confess. Guilty as charged. I took a stroll along the channel. To Abbeville and back. After that 30 + km walk I could not bring myself to lift a pencil. The burn in my muscles reminded me of four years ago when I ran my first and since - last - marathon. During my long walk I started thinking about a man, more of a legend that a few years ago lived in my building. He was a walker. Walked day in and day out. Everybody knew him and all had their own story to tell, to add to his status of the legendary walker. All knew about him, but only a few lifted their hand to wave hello as he walked by.
So one day he was on his way out as I entered our building. For the few moments that I had him eye to eye I was blown away. I said hello and he responded with his. His voice as clear as that of a young boy's. His glance gave away the clearness of two ice-blue eyes, and I'll tell you, they were as lucid as running water. For a moment I wondered, who in fact it was that I had encountered. I was glad I did, though, just a short time afterwards he passed away. Leaving me with the feeling of having been let in on a secret.
That same feeling is easy to get when surrounded by beautiful nature, as I am right now. I just saw a seal, watched it turn in the sand, enjoying the morning sun. Today is a day of relax, I promise.














8 August, returning home.
Music: Citizen Cope, My way home

Lovely day

"The main purpose of life is to live rightly, think rightly, act rightly. The soul must languish when we give all our thought to the body."

The Quote of the Day is, not surprisingly, on by Mahatma Gandhi.

Today I feel all good. Might be because I have reason to celebrate. Celebrate the sunny sky, the warm day, feeling remembered first thing in the morning, my fancy dress I'll wear today, the cake that I finished this morning, the excellent African coffee beans that made my espresso taste like gold, the joy that takes over my body cell by cell. Yes, it's a lovely day.

I am a bit ashamed of forgetting about introducing Wax Tailor properly, as I promised I'd do some days ago. I'll do my best to do that as well today. But first, have a look at the marvelous cake and the fancy dress!





Now you see why this day is special, right?

Anyhow - Wax Tailor. I have always loved when mixing and mashing different styles of music. On the right hand side of this page you have a list of artists, and many of these have been put there just because of that. Wax Tailor, alias Jean-Christophe Le Saoût, will be put on the top of that list for the same reason.

FULL SCREENhosted by playlive.fm

I like the horns and the certain retro vibes of Wax's s tunes. For some reason I "see" his music in sepia. Say Yes is definitely one of my favs. And what is most exiting about Wax is that the music resembles a lot to another favourite of mine, Don Johnson Big Band. Check out Check the record from the latest album, it's awesome.

Here. The game you play, by Wax Tailor and even a bit more mellow, Going home by Don Johnson Big Band. Enjoy, folks!

Thank you Charlie!

I was extremely lucky today. I guess. Remember Charlie from my previous post? Of course you do. Anyhow. I won two tickets to his show in London next week. Yeih!! Is that fab or what? Unfortunately I can't be there. Bummer. But don't you agree that it was sort of a lucky strike anyway? No, I am not being paid by the tobacco company...

So isn't that just great! Something else I consider great is the salsa this Monday. Oh God. Sometimes I feel I could die happy after having an hour of salsa. It is that overwhelming feeling of being as content as can be, of being one with - yourself - strangely enough.

So this week my regular partner was on vacation, but I covered my own back early on, making sure I'd have a partner anyway and wasn't gonna miss out on anything. And a partner I got. Yes! You cannot believe the amount of energy - positive energy - that fills my blood vessels when everything falls in place! And this partner really got my blood rushing! I think we are a perfect match - at least on the dance floor. We did not manage to do the perfect salsa just yet, it takes me a few more minutes than 60 to get used to a new partner, but somehow I felt that the energy was flowing in the same direction with the same speed within, through and around these two bodies, merging to the rhythms of a great salsa.

And the best thing with a new partner is that you actually get the possibility to learn so much since the things are done in a different way than what you're used to. Different steps, different way of communication. Ah. No wonder I love dancing so much, it really is communication. Nonverbal.

And yes, that is confirmed by Wikipedia.

Go get me in that mood, Charlie

Thank God for slow summer days at the office. If it wasn't for today's slow pace, I would probably not have found Charlie.

Oh Charlie, you make me feel like having a drink. A strawberry daiquiri. And as I lay back in my relaxation, I drink those southern vibes, letting them linger on my tongue together with the melting ice from my drink. It takes a world full of resistance to keep myself from tracing an imaginary stocking with the cold metal of the spoon. I can feel it anyway, behind my closed eyelids. Cold metal slowly tracing its way from the ankle, up towards the thigh. Sweet surrender.

Charlie Who? Sorry. Charlie Winston.

Since I rarely watch TV and as rarely listen to the radio - it is nowadays hard to say for me if what I suddenly "found" has been there forever or if it's just bubbling. It's the same with Charlie. So for those who have known him "forever", please bear with me.

Anyhow. Enjoy this clip to get what I'm so psyched over!


Charlie Winston - In Your Hands (official video)
by ATMOSPHERIQUES

And an extra treat:

I actually found something else today as well. Love. In shape of a French Hip-hopper. Wax Tailor. But that's for another post. (Ok, if you can't wait, just click that link and listen to Say Yes).

Update on my friend the hedgehog

So I met my friend the hedgehog again. This time I was, again, in company of my cat, who never wants to miss out on an adventure. 

She sat steadily next to me in silence. 

"When he comes closer, don't make any sudden moves" I told her. "And stay quiet. He's so little he might be scared off." 

My cat looked at me with her wise eyes. I never get over the feeling of that there's so much more to her than the animal. Like the wisest person inside a body of a cat. Anyhow.

The hedgehog felt brave this evening. He came running - yes, running! - towards us. I talked to him gently. 

"How are you, little one? You are in such a hurry!" He ran and ran and stopped just half a meter in front of me. 

"MEOW" said my cat. Loud and clear. Off went the hedgehog.

"What was that?" I asked her. 

"He got scared. See, he doesn't know you yet so he might be a bit frightened."

I looked away from the cat and looked for the hedgehog. There he was again, running again, coming towards us. My cat got bored. Her eyes said "Been there, done that. He won't get over it." 

But she was wrong. My little spiky friend came closer again. My knees hurt, so I had to stand up. He got scared, turned around and ran a meter in the other direction. Then he got enough of courage to again try to come closer. This time he didn't stop before he was just by my feet.

"Raf, raf" he said and lifted his nose up in the air.

I noticed that hedgehogs' eyes don't sparkle at all.

"What did you say, little friend?". I didn't know that hedgehogs spoke. To humans.

"Raf, raf."

He repeated his statement and looked at me again with black eyes, and continued his run. 

I wonder what that was supposed to mean.

Law of attraction

Ok, here we go. I have thoughts upon thoughts in my mind right now, so excuse me for the lack of structure in this post.

For anyone who has read my posts during the past year it has been evident that I've gone through a transformation within. I've come closer to the core of myself, and at the same time I have felt closer to the greater meaning of life. I've been lucky enough to look at life from a different perspective than before, pushed into it by life-altering experiences. All this time I have felt so blessed.

Today I sat down after work and watched a TV-show where the subject was the law of attraction. I was very early on in life thought by my brother that it always speeds up the realization of dreams to visualize what we want. He always told me "First visualize it, then act like it, then be it." The TV-show of today, how ever, gave some new thoughts on the law of attraction as well as created new thoughts in my simple mind as well. For example, and this is quite clear, positive thinking will attract positive things. A definite yes from me. Visualize what you want, say it out loud or write it down - it will come to you. And in connection to that - and here's one of my ahaa's - if you hang on to something, wishing for it more than anything, holding on to it with your teeth - it won't come to you. We need to be able to wish for something, visualize it happening, and then release it. Wow! I'm with them on this.

We've all surely experienced the moments when we say something out loud, and then it just happens within minutes. Like saying "Why can't I find a paper clip when I need it?" and there it suddenly is, in front of you, or as I once experienced, pushing my luck further when something came up seconds after asking, asking for even more - and the same thing there - it just happened. I was really blown away - two things, small but still, happening like by pushing a button. Why do small things happen when we wish for them, but big things won't? I have my theory on this: Could it be the small things are coming true in order for us to keep our faith in bigger things?

Then again, bigger things have come true, sometimes just to fade shortly. Like life would be saying: You asked for it so here you have it, but it ain't right for you. Maybe we sometimes "get there" too soon, when we aren't really ready or when the circumstances really are not in place. Like a year ago I got the job of my dreams - the job I always wanted to have. (Not to forget the job I had at the point was the best thing ever, even though I'd never known that beforehand). And what was the outcome? I soon realized that what I had dreamt about almost for a lifetime, really was not what made me happy.

I believe there are big things ahead of each and everyone of us. Things we never knew to dream about, but that will make us more fulfilled and happy than anything else. I believe there is a plan for all of us. Like stations we will visit to leave our mark on our own or somebody else's life. The path to and between those stations are filled with our dreams and our struggles to achieve them, but no matter if we do or we don't, we will get to those stations. [Because it's written].

Sorry. This must be a mess to read. See it as my mindmap. (Just as well-organized as my mind:)

I need to say one more thing.

The Hedgehog
A few nights ago I was outside watering the flowers around my parents' house. I was talking to my cat (she makes me so happy) as she was following me around, trying to help in her own way. There was a hedgehog moving in the same circles as we did, and a couple of times it looked at us, clearly wanted to spend some time with us, but too shy to really do it. Well, maybe another night.

Anyhow. It didn't take me long to notice that everytime I spoke, the little nozy thing approached me. When I stopped talking, it moved away again, like frightened of its own courage to come closer. I did test it a few times and there's no doubt. I reasoned: It must be that my mother who sometimes gives the hedgehog some treats, must be talking to the animal whilst coming closer. So "the hedge" maybe thinks I'm my mother and thinks I'll feed it. So I asked my mother about it. No, she said, I never talk to him, I might scare him away.