I hope you feel at home

I hope you feel at home in this new colourscape! Finally I got the time and energy to make this space look like I want it to.

Feel free to step onto that deck and dream away. There is nothing that can make us feel as free as water can. That is also the reason why I chose this picture, taken in Paris in September, to be the welcoming picture of Nihil Declaro - Nothing to declare.

I was also fascinated by something Mary Morris, the author of the book "Nothing to declare - Memoirs of a woman traveling alone", said.

''Women who travel as I travel are dreamers. Our lives seem to be lives of endless possibility. Like readers of romances we think that anything can happen to us at any time. We forget that this is not our real life - our life of domestic details, work pressures, attempts and failures at human relations. We keep moving. . . . Nostalgia has no place for the woman traveling alone. Our motion is forward, whether by train or daydream.''

So there's the package. I do hope you'll stay a while.

Tigers in the snow and some music

I needed to get back to the movie La tigre e la neve that I mentioned in my previous entry. There are some pieces to that movie, that make it fabulous:

1) The life-loving style of Roberto Benigni.
2) The storyline that is full of surprises, right into the end.
3) Tom Waits and the song You can never hold back spring that is a recurring element. See the intro including Tom Waits.

A spoiling element was the middle part of the movie, that felt a bit like one would be listening to a broken record. But the end made me forgive a boring middle, and as always with Benigni, it was beautiful.

Please do see that movie, if you haven't already.

And some music..

I got myself something interseting today: Sly and the family Stone's Different Strokes By Different Folks. Working with the album many of my favourites: Will.I.Am, Maroon 5, Isaac Hayes, John Mayer, Joss Stone and others. (Follow those links to hear some bits and pieces.)

I'm happy about that addition to my collection of excellent musical vibes.

Thoughts from another time and Benigni

I was going through a lot of my old stuff the other day. I found some old texts, written about 13 - 15 years ago. Damn I was a good writer! I found a lot of material I had forgotten about, but also a lot that made all those forgotten feelings come up to the surface again.

I found a lot of poetry. I'll post some of the poems I found below. These are translations, but I'll try to keep the rythm and the feeling intact.

Here
I want to love
by you
with you
you
Here
I want to feel
by you
with you
you
Here I want to forget
Won't you forget with me?

*******

So still
is all around you
Stillness resting in you
So still
in your resting
the time with you

So still
so still
stillness sweeps
into me

*******

Can you hear me
whispering your name?
Can you hear me
crying out my longing?
For you

Can you feel me
shaking from my yearning?
Can you feel me,
the strength of my needing?
You by my side

Can you hear me?
Crying out my anger
For the robbery of you
being taken away from me
ahead of your time

Can you hear me?
I thought I heard
you.

Well - all in all it was an exhilarating experience to find all that, finding the old me.

A picture is needed here, to didvide the long text :)



(So does it really matter,
what kind of picture it is?
The cat's cute, and it has
a pleeding look to it:)

I have an interesting movie for you. I just watched it. The movie was not the normal "kill time with movie and popcorn" kind of movie, it was definitely something outside the nornal box shape. The movie was called Little Children. Have a look at that website, you will see a piece of it.

The interesting thing with the movie is that inside a not so very interesting plot there are pieces of small things happening, things that refer to people's hopes, dreams, fears and so on. Those are what makes the movie in itself interesting. Is it good? It's watchable. It's sad in many ways, funny in many other ways.

I have another movie I'm really keen on watching. Directed by my all time favourite, Roberto Benigni whose "La vita è bella" for me was an life altering experience. Particularly because of its extraordinary soundtrack (almost compareable with the soundtrack of "Il Postino" (here with an excellent translation in English of (Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche. Follow that link, it is pure beauty of poetry, pure beauty of life, nonetheless pure sadness.) - Now don't get me started on Neruda, that is a discourse I will not be able to stop:).

Now I'm about to see Benigni's The Tiger and the Snow (La tigre e la neve) (see trailer), and I must say, Non sto nella pelle - I cannot wait.

Poem of the day

Life this year
brought highs and lows
Highs so high
Lows so low

Lighting stars so bright
They will never dim
Giving scars so deep
They will never heal

Forever those bright lights
within I will wear
making life's path
a bit easier to bare

Forever will I feel
those scars burning in my chest
reminding me to live
life at its best

'Cos life will never be easy
And what it holds we'll never know
When we least expect it
it will force us to grow

It is kind of easy, though
It's enough to play one's part
By doing our best
and using our heart

Give love to those around us
and we will get love in return
That is the secret to it
That is what I have learned.

I am ready. Bring it on!
My heart is strong and it's filled with love.
My shield is tested, I can take the fall.

Banana cream rock and a pink vw van

Lazy days start to come to an end. I celebrated an excellent vacation by returning to my favourite spot, and had some fabulous drinks at the great pink volkswagen van, chatted with "Jack", her daughter and the guys. I will miss them! And I will come back to see them another time. Their banana or chocolate cream rock is to die for, not to mention the daiquiries.

From holiday sun fun to more serious stuff. I got interested in the local habits and culture the moment I got here. And especially the girls. What do those gogo girls think and feel as they're doing their job? I wanted to know more, get into the whole thing. So I bought a book, My name is Lon - you like me? by Derek Sharron.

The back cover states "

From the age of 14, "My Name Lon... You Like Me?" was my greeting to over 1,000 sex tourists. My impoverished culture and my mother were the impetus for the sale of my dignity, but my actions saved my sister from the same fate."

The book tells the story of a girl who left home at the age of 13 to earn money for her family. It also lightens the culture of the Thai people, the way of thinking, the way of life. I am very happy about my purchase.

I am very happy about another thing as well: Tomorrow, being my last day in Thailand, I managed to get an "OK" for visiting the local orphanage. That will be interesting. And it will also give me the possibility to get myself into the Christmas spirit, as well as hopefully doing some good for the kids.

Look into my eyes

Ah, a lovely day behind me! I have spent all day on a boat and in water, beneath the surface, with a tube of air on my back. And I still feel like the waves would be pushing me up and down, even though I left the boat some hours ago.

It was my first time scuba diving - and definitely not the last!

The first contact with the gear in water gave me a sense of panic! "Get me out of here!" My eyes must have yelled, wide open in horror. But I must say, my instructor with the beautiful turquoise eyes was a pro. "Calm down" he showed me with his hand. "Breath." "Look into my eyes." I did. Then he took my hand and posed it on top of his heart. I was calm. I was ready to dive.

And when below the surface for a while, I didn't want to come up. All that beautiful world took my breath away - thank God for the regulator :)!

It is not every day I see one meter turtles swim in the same space as I do. They would freeze to death in the waters where I'm from.

I cannot do anything else than recommend Mask and Finns for when you are in Thailand, wanting to get your diving experience.

And good things will come to you

"We cannot know what life will bring us" said Mickey. "We can only try to do good things, and good things will come back to us." "Some people do bad things", he continued, "take too much money from tourists, have them pay a too high price for what they buy. I don't do that, because bad things will come to those who do".

It was easy for me to agree with Mickey. It was also my philosophy of life. "Yes", I said. "We can only do our best and hope for a good life in return." Mickey nodded and smiled.

I wanted to take a picture of him. To remember our half hour in the shade of the palm tree. I didn't want to forget this smiling man and our discussions about life. Mickey got nervous when I asked him. Was his face shiny? Was his cap straight? He gave the face a stroke with the back of his hand and straightened the cap. He turned back at me and gave me a big smile. "I'm ready."

Poem of the day

Did we shape this ocean
with all of our tears?
Did the saltyness in them
give the taste to the sea?

Are all these happy faces
reflecting the joy we feel?
Or is it just us
learning how to see

How life is a wave
in endles motion
with its circulate ways
of moving the ocean?

How one day it shows
the lover it can be
pulling back the next
from its will to be free?

We cannot store the ocean
in a little jar
It will feel it's closer
but soon we'll find it's far

By stopping the motion
we're killing the sea
Is that how we'll learn
how to be free?

Eating alone

For people in Thailand the worst thing there is, is to be eating alone, so they don't. Instead you see people gathering all over to eat where ever and when ever. I have, on a few ocations. got the "poor thing, eating alone" look, and I'm quite sure, that mnany of those extra broad smiles have been empathy smiles.

But that's fine by me. In enjoy eating alone, as long as I've got something interesting to watch. Like other people eating. Which kind of makes me eating in company, doesn't it?

I've also got the question "where is your husband?" many times. Or "Who are you traveling with?". Saying I travel alone gives the anser "Impossible!". And what usually follows is a great discussion about one thing or the other in life. I just had a great discussion with "Mickey". We shared a lot of thoughts and our philosophy in life seemed to be the same. It is always as nice to discover, how we people are alike, no matter what part of the world we come from. It happens every time.

Tonight I'm giving "eating in company" a try. We'll see how it goes.

Also read the poem of the day, I'll post it next.

Some like it hot

Whether it's about food or weather, Thailand is the answer.
I'm still collecting. Glimpses. Sun. Chaos. People.

Yes, this will be good.

Tears for yesterday

Yesterday

so hard to give up

so hard to let go

of thoughts and pictures

that filled my soul

If I only knew then

what I know

now

A change of view

A change of hopes

A new set of dreams

Seeing tomorrow so clear

but closing my eyes

To keep them dry

to keep the things I see

away

Not yet

am I ready to take tomorrow on.

Gamble everything for love

I've got two words for this evening. Ben Lee. Have you not listened to Ben yet? In that case, I encourage you to do it right now. Follow that link. And first, choose the song Gamble everything for love from Ben's Awake is the new sleep album. Believe me, it's worth it. A few minutes of pure flow. Listen to the lyrics. Close your eyes. Feel it.

Make a list of things you need, leave it empty
Except for number one, write “love”, gamble everything
Keep it under lock and key
If you wanna, you can gamble everything for love

Now you can listen to the rest. Love me like the world is ending is good to continue with.

That's all for tonight. That is enough to mend some hearts.

Gone, going, gone..

Gone, going, gone..
Remember that song?
Remember how we felt?
With all the emptyness inside
With only a song to share
as a last goodbye.

Do you still feel
my head in your lap,
my tears on your sleeve?
Because I do, I do that
I still do
feel the stroke of your hand
the pain in your glance.

The song you chose
"Gone be the birds"
Burnt a hole in my chest
"if they don't want to sing"
And with my tears running
down on your skin
I looked at Jack and thought
it's a battle I cannot win.

For all the pain I feel inside
there is an equal pain
in your mind
And for all the songs
that connected us by heart
There are as many
that will bring us apart.

So what can I do
I cannot change my love for you
I will still listen to Jack
Knowing it won't bring us back.
Gone, going, gone..
Remember that song?
Gone (Going)

Even the best fall down sometime

I am in love. In love with a young guy and his guitar. You are right - my Howie Day cd finally arrived.


Howie, Howie, Howie, what you do to me. I must say, I knew what I was getting, but what I didn't know was how perfectly set together the songs are on the album Stop All the World Now.

A song that strikes me is You & a promise. And also - for the beauty of the soundascape, Come lay down. Collide is an obvious choise. And it strikes me, how different songs affect us differently when in different moods. Today Collide makes me blue with its

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind



My blue note of today needs a picture.