This year in one picture

Happy New Year! This year I've said all I had to say, so what remains is a picture. Can one photo speak for a whole year? I'll do my best. Keep loving in 2009!


The picture would be a mystery to anybody, so I'll help you on the way. It is taken at a moment when I felt complete happiness.

Next year? I'll go into next year like this:



With all of my senses sharpened, attention to every detail, but still remembering to enjoy the feeling of [a hairy chest. Oops, little new year's joke there..] the warm sun on my body.

That's it. See you next year!

Tumbleweeds

I need to stop making my posts at this hour, but this can't wait. Just got home from a night out and I once again was lucky (yes, lucky, because this person radiates good vibes and positive energy) to stumble into the vocalist of Tumbleweeds. I adore him. He is a true star when it comes to spreading positive vibes.

Anyhoo..He told me that they had a song out on myspace, and naturally, the first thing I did coming home this late night - early morning was to check it out. You do it too, it's called The Gutter and i like it.

Follow your dreams

I believe in dreams. I also believe we once in a while notice that some dreams speak to us on a deeper level than others. It should be quite easy
to separate those dreams from the more ordinary ones. Some of the most deeply affecting moments in my life have occurred after very strong dreams. Shouting loud and clear what within days have been shown in real life. Last night I had one. I don't believe it is as much of an epiphany as it is a reminder.

The girl cried big, round tears. They rolled down her cheek. "Don't cry", I said. "This feels bad right now, but soon you will see, you can still fulfill your dreams." She looked at me with a sparkle of hope in her eyes. They seemed to ask "Do you promise?". "Keep following you dream, keep doing what your heart wants you to do. Even if it at some point seems that your dreams won't come true, they probably will. Sometimes they will chose another way than the one we imagined." The girl looked at me. She had stopped crying. "How do you know all this?", she asked. "I am no life coach", I said, "but I do know how to speak from my heart".

So that was the reminder: Keep doing what your heart tells you to. Dreams sometimes come true in different ways than we've planned.

I still lean on you

Merry Christmas. It's already an hour into Christmas eve, I look forward to sleeping in this morning. Today my note is blue, despite a family dinner at my very own dinner table. With all gathered around it, even those who were not supposed to make it. Why the note is blue, that is a mystery to me. I guess some layers inside of my soul were touched by something I can't put my finger on.

A strong sense of self
That is what I feel tonight.
A sense of importance
of standing on my own two feet.
Because also strong connections sometimes will fail
and leave us leaning onto what we are. In ourselves.
It is strange how I still do
see thoughts and feelings grow from you.
Even though the detachment is done
and I know it's something I've overcome.
I still lean on you.
Knowing you have your ways
of picking me up, letting me down,
but always - always - helping me stand tall,
lifting me up when ever I fall.

I still lean on you.
Even though I know, I'd stand tall without you.
Even though.
I never could have known
a person like you would walk into my life.
To build up what I am.
To tear down what I was afraid of.

Building, My strong sense of self.

It's early in the morning,
but honey, I ain't sleeping yet.
I'm out surfing
and it is no mistake,
I know what I am looking for
There are G and Jack and Eddie
Rodeo clowns and Constellations,
-- and by now I know
I know where I'm heading --
Some tunes from Ben and it's all I need
Dreaming away, chasing tunes
Letting the music become the moves
of oceans building up inside
Honey, it is a high tide.
It might be the magic of being part
of the darkness of a winter morning, but --
when light comes and pushes away
Jack and the clowns and the rest of the bunch
-- I still need it to be true, all of those and me and you
and all of what still is left
between layers of life
Just to know for sure that
magic does happen and sometimes
it'll take the shape
of tunes on the tube
building up
a soulful mood.

And when I'll finally close my eyes I know
That's all we need.

A fragile enough state

This year is coming to its end, and as typical human beings, we tend to analyze what the year brought to us, as well as bring forward our hopes for the coming year.

This year I have managed to stay clear sighted about many things. Everything has not dawned on me straight away, but with time I have seen pieces fall into place. To see things in life for what they really are, one has to be in a fragile enough state, I believe. At least that is how I have become more sensitive to the world and my own life. We get what we need, we really do. Sometimes straight away, sometimes in time. Sometimes we just realize afterwards.

So maybe I didn't notice everything this year, maybe some miracles passed me by without ever touching. But those will become clear later on.

In some way I feel that last year was about opening my soul to the world, I became, in many ways, the person I am now. This year was about receiving. This year was about learning how to read signs. With a soul bare naked it is so much easier than when we try to cover up. I am stripped to the bone.

So what about next year? Do I have hopes? Certainly. Plenty. But one of them is to stay as bare naked as I am right now, not to lose touch with my soul, not to lose the connection. With the world, with life, with those in my life who make me who I am.

What about you?

I'll carry that

It's a long way from now to our past.
Still we're dragging a lot with us.
No matter how certain we are
that a lot of it should have been left along the way.
Still knowing a lot of it was what drew the paths we made.
Also new ones.
Making us wonder.
Was what we did right?
But choosing to believe,
it was all for the best.
Cause when a decision is made
it would be weakness to say
"STOP! Let me get off right here!"
"Even if I'd have to walk all the way back.
All the way to the station where I got on."
And so we choose not to.
We carry on, travelling in the direction
we set off in.
And why is that?
Would all the heavy baggage that we carry with us
be too hard to explain?
Never considering
someone might give us a hand saying
"I'll carry that".