A thousand years

This is possibly the best song ever made (OK, I might have said that before about something else, but every time I mean it.) and it lifts me up to heights I never want to descend from. It takes me so low down I feel I will never be able to get up. It breaks my heart and it builds up my soul. It is strength and weakness in one, it is magic and ordinary, it is the future and the past. It is me. It is you.



Here is another song by Sting, one that I love almost as much. So full of pain, but at the same time so liberating. I remember listening to it and being filled by an intense feeling of freedom. The lyrics are extraordinary! He is ingenious, this man. I'm not sure how a person gets to the point of writing a song like this one. And as I listen to it, I feel it tearing up old wounds. It is strange how some feelings are attached to certain pieces of music. It's alright. I'll let it flow.




Well it's five in the morning and the light's already broken
And the rainy streets are empty for nobody else has woken
Yet you turn towards the window as he sleeps beneath the covers
And you wonder what he's dreaming in his slumbers

There's a clock upon the table and it's burning up the hour
And you feel your life is shrinking like the petals of a flower
As you creep towards the closet you're so careful not to wake him
And you choose the cotton dress you bought last summer

There's a time of indecision between the bedroom and the door
But the part of you that knows that you can't take it any more
There's the promise of the future in the creaking of the floor
And you're torn if you should leave him with a number

And in your imagination you're a thousand miles away
Because too many of his promises got broken on the way
So you write it in a letter all the things you couldn't say
And you tell him that you're never coming home

She starts running for the railway station praying that her calculation's right
And there's a train just waiting there to get her to the city before night
A place to sleep a place to stay will get her through another day
She'll take a job she'll find a friend she'll make a life that's better

The passengers ignore her just a girl with an umbrella
And there's nothing they can do for her, there's nothing they can tell her
There's nothing they could ever say would change the way she feels today
She'd live the life she'd always dreamed if he had only let her

Now in her imagination she's a million miles away
When too many of his promises got broken on the way
So she wrote it in a letter all the things she couldn't say
And she told him she was never coming home
She told him she was never coming home

I wake up in an empty bed a road drill hammers in my head
I call her name there's no reply it's not like her to let me lie
It's time for work it's time to go but something's different I don't know
I need a cup of coffee I'll feel better

I stumble to the bathroom door, her make up bag is on the floor
It really is a mess this place it takes some time to shave my face
I'm not really thinking straight she never lets me sleep this late
I'm almost done and then I see the letter

In his imagination she's a universe away
Too many of his promises got broken on the way
So she wrote it in a letter all things she couldn't say
And she told him she was never coming home,
She told him she was never coming home,
She told him she was never coming home

I'm gonna live my life
And she told him she was never coming home
I'm gonna live my life in my own way

Lyrics: www. sting.com

He saw her before she had spotted him

He saw her before she had spotted him. It was a long time since they had met the last time. Some five, six years he counted. He watched her rush towards the statue where they had agreed to meet. He felt his heart pounding. Why, he wasn't too sure about that. He wasn't supposed to have any feelings for her anymore. He knew she did. It had always been written all over her that she did.

It was the anxiety. Of seeing her again. In his mind he already felt her close to his chest. In his mind he already felt her scent.

They had been playing for too long. That's what it felt like. But how do you stop playing? It still must have given them something, right? It was 14 years since they had met for the first time. Fourteen! He shook his head. She took a right turn and was now waiting at a red light. She still had not seen him. Sure, there had been times when they during these fourteen years had found each other longing for another. Most of the time out of sync, though. Most of the times without really discussing it. The last few times they had met for stop-overs or weekends he had felt like being the one on top of the situation. She was down on her knees and he, he had felt nothing. Not really. I mean yes, sure he felt his blood rush through the whole body when he saw her, not to mention touching her. But he hadn't had any silly ideas about the two of them being together, like a couple, out in the open. She, on the other hand, she was eating out of his hand. I bet she still is, he thought.

The light was still red. His blood was still pumping. He watched her look up and their eyes met. Wow! It was an explosion that took place inside of him! The blood rushed so fast that the only thing he could hear was a swooshing sound. He felt dizzy for a few seconds. Her face lit up and so did his. My God! She looked just the same as she had when he had boarded that plane five years ago, minus the teary eyes. He lifted his hand and waved at her. She did the same, smiling the whole time.

The lights finally changed and she started walking towards him. he took a few leaps to get to her faster. From a short distance she already shouted her "Hi!". Oh my God. Was it really five years ago since he had heard her voice so close?

Suddenly she was there, in his arms. She looked at him and that smile of hers lighted up her face, and his too, he was sure. "Hi", he said. "I'm glad you came". In his mind he was calculating. All these years they had been on their own, both of them. How many years could they already have had something else than stolen weekends in big cities? No - why am I thinking this? He confused himself. And so did feeling the scent of her hair. They were not supposed to be, it wasn't written.

So many things had always stayed the same, but one thing surely had changed. For the first time during these fourteen years he was afraid. Afraid she might not love him anymore. The feeling left him feeling so alone.

"I'm freezing, let's go have a coffee, yeah?" Her eyes surely did not give anything away as she smiled at him, still being just a few inches away from him. "Yeah, let's." It was all he said. In his mind he just thought "please still love me."

It was the softest of touches

It was the softest of touches.
I gently wrapped my fingers around your hand.
Watching you sleep.
With that gentle touch I wanted so much.
I wanted you to feel safe. I wanted to put you in a place of ease. I wanted to let you know that all my love, with that touch, was handed out to you.
I didn't want you to wake up, instead I wanted for you to get a notion of peace.
I wanted for you to continue breathing with ease.

One touch.
A gentle touch.
That was all.
No need for anything else.
No need for legs tangled, for hands pulling bodies closer.
No need.

Summer, please stay!

I was away for four days and the summer arrived as soon as I stepped onto foreign ground. Yes, you can have it, I am not bitter! I got my internal summer and the rest of you got it outside, win-win, right?

Travelling and getting to hug those people you love but haven't seen for a long time always makes me think about relations, about love, about how happy I should be. Once again that happened. Once again I was reminded of the importance of doing our best to keep the people we love in our lives. That doesn't come by itself, you know. It requires work. And another point I'd like to make: Please don't ditch people out of your lives just because the boyfriend-girlfriend-relationship ended, or because of any other reason. Not if they are important to you.

I am quite good at keeping my loved ones close. I am glad I am. No casting in my life for certain roles, I can love you today as a friend, tomorrow as a lover and the day after that as a person. I think that's my secret, actually. The people I love are the ones that make me the person I am. They are the ones that keep me from falling. They are the ones that give that ordinary day a silver lining.

Thank you, I love you.

Signs of spring?

Yes, I am still waiting (oh how slowly time goes when waiting!) for my spring to be here!
Yesterday was a clear sign of summer, though. Latin rhythms, five inch heals and a hot dance floor. It is the worst and the best at the same time when the floor is so crowded that one has no space where to put one's feet, let alone dance. But oh, how enjoyable that was anyway!

Here are my collected signs of this week. The light is at its best when the sky starts to clear up after a shower. Now we're almost there.

It leaves me honored

Tonight I was lucky enough to have someone sharing their inner thoughts, their secrets of life, their plans for the future with me. As always, it leaves me honored. However - I don't feel big enough. I don't feel serious enough. I don't feel enough. I feel small, so small. And yet so happy that I am given the kind of trust it requires to have stories of life revealed to someone. When I hear about these tragedies, these stories of loss, of disappointment, of life showing its darkest shades.

I never understand how people can be the most optimistic, the most forward looking, after dealing with the biggest tragedies. I'm not sure I could. I feel overwhelmed by the thought of such pain. I have had my share, and it is - thank God - not even close to what some people have had to go through. And somehow they manage to come out stronger on the other side!

In times like these I wish more than ever, that there really is a reason to it all. I want to believe there is.

I am left a bit speechless tonight. What is there to say? How could I ever understand? How could I ever even commence to grasp it? There is no way. And suddenly I feel so small with my in comparison tiny obstacles in life. They sometimes drag me down and leave me on the ground, gasping. Not so strong after all, right?

Life comes in big portions, good and bad. Sometimes they seem too big to chew. Hang in there, everyone. Let's have faith, after all, there is not much else.

I need something nice and easy to round up with. Jovanotti's Baciami ancora is just that. I checked the soundtrack to the movie by the same name and I see it contains a few other favourites, Citizen Cope, to name one.

She walked in a bit gray, miss May

She walked in a bit gray,
I must say, this miss May wasn't
what I'd expected her to be
Such a sunny thing, they say
But not this time, I thought
and threw a glance at this babe
She seems so colorless, so vague
Is this really the real miss May?
Usually arriving with flowers in bloom
Oh dear, is she gonna look like that all afternoon?
I bet all she needs is a little sun,
a little sun does wonders to anyone!
Please miss May, don't look that way
We've waited for you for such a long time
I promise you, let's get some sun and it'll all be fine!

Spring takes a long time coming this year.







Note: level of accomplishment: 3/3.